Your Daily Pants – May 14, 2019

I have two big sisters. I love them both. They don’t really like me much, though. I am the new kid, and a little too energetic for them – I like to play. They like to eat, sleep, poop and get cookies as a reward for eating, sleeping and pooping. It’s a circular life. I am afraid of my oldest sister, Lula, because she’s the oldest and she snarls at me and has jumped at me, and even gotten into fights with me. She is very frail (she’s almost 15 and has had a lot of health issues), but I’m pretty sure she’d take me out pretty easily, and she just doesn’t give many fucks anymore. My other sister Ripley is the sweetest girl alive, which means I can be mean to her and she won’t fight back. Just this morning, for no reason other than to live up to my reputation as a true pain in the ass, I snapped at her on mom & dad’s bed after we went potty outside. Mom & dad were asleep and rudely awakened by a near dogfight on their bed. Ripley got very mad and snarly with me, and refused to eat her breakfast later. Dad has always called Ripley “The Little Shit”. I believe that (like everything else) should be one of MY nicknames. Life is good.